Vagaries

theme:have you ever felt the silent echoes haunt you?
the constant struggle with your inner demons,and the world,
a struggle to survive and emerge victorious.when memories break all your trust ,hopes and desires.
that feeling when you are pushed off the edge.
When too much pain,ends up in identity crisis..Painful,isnt it?

Remember me,I looked at the mirror,
I asked myself,perplexed!
What have I done to myself?
I cried!

Victim of vagaries,
Whims that looked like fancy dreams!
What have I done to myself?
I asked myself?

Have I lost myself,
The truth had faded away,
I am here,defined by the cruel world,

Its driving me crazy,
I want some light,
Its dark in here,
I am suffocating!


I cry in pain,
Is this me?

Silent murderer,
That instilled in me,
hopes and desires
To live and love,
I cannot deny!


Was I a fool then,
to believe in you?
Light!i cried!
I am suffocating!

                                         The wedding...

Last December,when I met you first,
I fell in love,

Your eyes so bright,
and lips,that spoke with delight,

last December,when we took a stroll,
near the blue water fall,

We spoke of love,
We spoke of joy,


Last December,
I so vividly remember,


Entwined in your arms,
I looked at you:charmed,


Last December,when you professed your love,
I longed to get married,and turn entirely;yours


When your lips spoke my name,
I quivered with passion,

You held me tight,
I felt you were my obsession,

And then,that night,When you proposed me for marriage,
I squealed with delight,

Last December,
amidst the morning snow,

We wedded in peace,
My heart simply,felt at ease,


a year later,
blessed as I am,

December,of that year,
I so vivdly remember,


It is December again,
amidst the same snow,


We lie entwined,
our faces shining,
with blissful glow...

frozen desires

                                         Spaces...

The clock struck 12.It was 21 November,2010.Ana's birthday.She turned 12. The faint flickering candle light,
added a romantic touch to her feminine figure.Her long unending curls,glowed brown in the dim light.Dressed in white,her favorite colour,she rose from her bed.She quickly crossed the blue pillar,outside her room and headed towards the lawn.She felt free.She opened up her arms,and felt the chills of the midnight air.A sweet smell lingered in the air.The smell of roses.She looked up,as if trying to unearth the mysteries of nature.Glancing steadfastly at the twinkling stars,she tossed her curls.Leaning over the balcony,she was lost in romantic thoughts.For the first time,she felt a sudden rush of emotions.Yes!she was in love.In love with the natural beauty and wild landscapes.Her pleasure was short lived.The door to the lawn flung open.Her aunt,rushed out,and pulled Ana forcibly.Ana shrieked in pain.She struggled to be set free.She was pushed into her room.She heard the door lock.

new beggining

Ana,the 12 year old daughter of rich industrialists.Her parents were no more.All alone,in the treacherous world,she was left under the sole guardianship of her aunt.A scowling,ill behaved middle aged lady.Pained under extreme torture,Ana took to nature observation.The more time,she spent with nature,the more she fell in love with it.She was a natural artist.Her paintings,exhibited her brilliance.That night,lying on her bed,Ana thought about the woods and the lake.She thought about a free life,without restrictions.She longed to be free.Cuddling her little teddy bear,she fell asleep.

She had a dream.She dreamt of her family,back in Europe,on a summer afternoon.She dreamt of all the beautiful moments in the countryside.Peace engulfed her.She felt secured.In this vast treacherous world,her dreams were her only solace.Life had turned unbearable,yet she never lost hope.She wanted to live,she wanted to dream on,of the beauty life had to offer her.Ana was brave.She was a survivor of mental and physical pain.A strong feminine figure,who stepped out and braved the atrocities of the world.Perhaps,this is the reason we feel,"dreams are better than reality",because the naked truth is harsh indeed.

                                              distant beauty..

time:11am

location:India

It was six in the morning..I shrugged myself off the deep slumber..I had a dream,a distinct amalgamation of my past and present,mixture of pleasure and pain.I looked outside the tainted window..faint flickering lights..what is it?I thought to myself?Is it still dark?I tossed my head,twirled my unending curls,and opened my eyes:wider.The beauty of dawn,is all I could see.Behind the cold iron bars,I longed to fling open the windows and embrace the warmth of a bright new day.But alas!I was imprisoned.Imprisoned in the world,I never wanted to be in:the dark lanes of drudgery and pain.

beauty of dreams

Tears trickled down,the moist warm tears,down my cold swollen cheeks.I was overcome by my feelings on the wintery morning,faraway in the distant hills,in the land of mearge humanity.The dream,I remembered.What was it about?I asked myself,as if expecting my soul to break free and reveal to me.I tried hard to recollect.

It was 2013..Summer evening,just after dusk,I was alone ,waiting for the last evening train to my destination.I waited..no whistle,no sound of breeze..absolute silence engulfed the solitary station..It was beginning to get darker.I feared,I would be late.Just as I was about to give up,I heard footsteps.I looked up.There at a distance,was a young man,fast paced walking towards the station.As i was lost in my thoughts,he came up to me ,his words broke the silent spell I was lost in on this summer evening.He asked,has the train left?.Yes,I said.I could see his expressions of joy change into sorrow.His deep masculine voice had a mersmerizing effect on me.He asked,where can I put up for the night?We are miles away from town,I said.We can put up at the station masters'.Tired and dissapointed,we pulled our luggages towards the station masters'  tiled room.

visualise the positive through
the negative

Ting tong!the bell rang!The station master walked out wrapped in a shawl.What is it?He enquired puzzled.We narrated our plight and requested him to let us lodge for the night.He readily agreed.

After a cold refreshing shower,I joined the station master along with the young man.Vyas,the young computer engineer form States.Time passed by.In an hour long conversation I realized,we have more in common.Contented and happy,I took to bed after dinner.

Next morning,we bade the old man goodbye and headed for our destination.In the hour long journey,Vyas narrated to me the story of his life.I listened amazed.Tears of happiness rolled down my cheeks,as I rejoiced at the thought of his victory after ten long years of struggle.Our destination neared.We quickly bade goodbye.

Few months later..

an intense feeling of anger and frustration occupied my mind at the piling of the workload.i turned my computer;Hi!the message beeped on the social networking site.Vyas!it is.Woah!I quickly typed a hi!...That is how our friendship began..For months,days and nights,we stayed connected to each other cupid struck.We shared every moments of our life.The good days have come,I thought to myself.

Who knew then,life would come to a standstill.It was the same winter morning,a year back.My phone rang!Vyas had met with an accident.Pain engulfed my heart.I didnot know how to react.I wanted to cry.I hurridedly darted out of my home to meet him.My phone rang again.This time,it was his mom,weeping uncontrollably.Vyas,was no more.The world around me went dark.Maybe I fainted.I regained conciousness at the city hospital the next day.My friends were around me.I wanted to cry,yet I couldnot.I had turned into a stoic.Life changed thereafter..

It was the same dawn,the same day,a year later.I dreamt of Vyas,our goodtimes and bad.Pain engulfed my heart.I wanted to break free.I cried uncontrollably ,the first time.The emptiness ,unrequited love,resonating memories,haunted me..

Winter,since then,has become a part of me...

picture courtesy:tumbler